If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
