I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
