Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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