South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My dick has a subreddit
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
