i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
