we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
