Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
