I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
