I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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