Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
