listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
