Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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