Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
