Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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