i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
