6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
