her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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