I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
