You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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