But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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