You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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