just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
