....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
