My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
