i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
