If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
