Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
