I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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