I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
