Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
