i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
