no, he came in my armpit
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sober January is a disaster.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
