dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
