Don't make out with my wife yet
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
