This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
