just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
