I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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