can we get nightvision for the apartment?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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