there's paper in my vomit.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
