Farmville is her only friend.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
