I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
