Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
