My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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