he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
