True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
