I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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