Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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