If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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