New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
