you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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