I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
