Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just had sex bonerless
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
