We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
