Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How's work?
Spinning.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
