i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
