Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
